Communication makes humans special. It’s how we create, relate, and collaborate.
Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and bestselling author Charles Duhigg reminded me of this during our conversation about how to talk and listen like a leader. It’s a topic he’s explored extensively in his bestselling book, Supercommunicators, and one that I rely on in leading Nixon Peabody.
As firm managing partner, I am in the business of people. At Nixon Peabody, we’re building a culture where every conversation is an opportunity to connect, understand, and build trust. Embracing this culture is critical in our competitive legal industry, where strong relationships make all the difference. Fortunately, there’s an art to all of this—or, as Charles would say, supercommunication is a skill.
Over the past year, Charles has shared his insights with our firm several times, including at our recent off-site partner retreat. His strategic advice focused on how our colleagues can optimize communication to strengthen client relationships and enhance our service to clients across industries.
His presentation was compelling and applied not only to our law firm, but to the broader business world. That’s why I was eager to bring him back for a one-on-one conversation to learn more about this crucial component of strong leadership.
In our talk, we explore the science behind effective communication—the beating heart of human connection—and discuss how we can all become supercommunicators to enrich our personal and professional lives. Here are some key insights from our discussion:
Connect through conversation
The key to effective conversation is alignment. Neuroscientists have identified three different types of conversation—practical, emotional, and social—each with its own goals and forms of expression. Often, we’re engaged in different and conflicting types of conversation at once. This is where miscommunication occurs.
The best communicators, according to Charles, learn to match other people in conversation to understand what they need.
Vulnerability to deepen a connection
Vulnerability is critical to connecting through communication, but most of us misunderstand what that looks like. As Charles shares, vulnerability emerges “when I tell you something that you could judge.” Demonstrating vulnerability, even in the most contentious of conversations, builds trust.
I can tell you firsthand, vulnerability can come into play in the legal profession. There’s often a strategic point in negotiations where, by letting your guard down at the right time, you can position a negotiation so that the parties can meet halfway.
Emotional intelligence defines strong leaders
We may not automatically think of “leadership” as a key attribute for space travelers, but NASA disagrees. When the agency began sending astronauts into space for extended periods of time, it overhauled its recruiting process to find candidates with high levels of emotional intelligence. Why? Because sending the “biggest jerk” into space for an extended time period could create unbearable tension and undermine the entire crew’s performance. The new astronauts they hired after making this change became some of the best leaders in NASA’s history.
Emotional intelligence is not just a nice-to-have. Oftentimes, it’s the difference between success and failure.
Active listening: Looping for understanding
Slow down and listen. You really can’t listen enough.
That’s one of the primary habits I adopted when I took on the role of Nixon Peabody CEO and managing partner. I knew that my success in the job would depend in part on my ability to connect with and represent our people, who have a diverse range of perspectives, skills, and backgrounds. Charles tells us there’s a technique for active, effective listening. It’s called “looping for understanding”—ask a question, repeat back what you heard the other person say in your own words, then ask if you got it right. Looping for understanding is a powerful tool to increase understanding and, therefore, trust. And, fortunately for me and anyone else who values strong communication, this is a skill that anyone can learn.
Communicate to understand
The goal of active listening is not necessarily to agree, but to understand what the other person is trying to say. In Charles’ words, the times when our country is at its best are not when we agree with each other; it’s when we want to understand each other. The attempt at understanding makes it easier for us to disagree and still coexist. I think we can all agree that it is a skill that the world could use more of right now.
The spark that transforms
Communication makes us human, and when it’s done effectively, it makes us better leaders. My conversation with Charles reinforced something I’ve experienced throughout my career—the best leaders are those who know how to ask the right questions to improve understanding and build trust. I’m grateful to Charles for sharing his insights and reminding us that supercommunication is a skill we can all develop.
